Rankings Through December 18, 2011 & Post
Wednesday, December 21, 2011 at 7:56AM Click here for full rankings.
Click here for an explanation of the ranking model.
I’m a Loser, Baby
In “Loser,” the song that gained him widespread notoriety, musician and genre-hopper Beck famously sang:
In the time of chimpanzees, I was a monkey
Butane in my veins and I’m out to cut the junkie
With the plastic eyeballs, spray paint the vegetables
Dog food stalls with the beefcake pantyhose
And if you know what that means, you can probably answer other mysteries that have plagued mankind throughout the ages, including the locations of Towson, Binghamton and Prairie View A&M, which I swear I didn’t make up just now and are, in fact, actual Division I basketball teams. Although that may be up for debate by the end of this post.
So, why the music/geography lesson? Because we’re slaves to our introduction, let’s just say those three schools—and 10 others that reside in the MCBR—know a thing or two about what it’s like to be a monkey in the time of chimpanzees.
That baker’s dozen has the dubious distinction of being the Division I teams still searching for their first victory against a fellow resident of the top division. And because we enjoy flogging a dead horse, let’s use this week’s dive into the numbers to figure out which team is the absolute worst in the country.
Of course, not every defeat is created equal. For example, looking at a pile of losses is a lot more demoralizing when they’re of the 30- and 40-point variety. And with an average margin of defeat of 34.0, Grambling State probably needs the collective efforts of Tony Robbins, Dr. Phil and Deepak Chopra just to get off the bus at the arena.
Then again, the self-help superfriends may not be necessary depending on which team is doling out the punishment. For example, it’s probably a little more palatable for Alabama A&M to lose to Michigan than for Binghamton to drop one to Hofstra.
By that criterion, the team with the worst taste in its mouth right now is Hartford, whose strength of schedule comes in at 321st, making its misuse of the word “strength” almost as egregious as Adam Sandler’s misuse of the word “comedy” to describe “Jack and Jill.”
So, with two perfectly reasonable means of assessing our unlucky 13’s terribleness, we can settle this debate with a technique most famously used by H.B. Reese and smash the two together in the hopes that someday the Hershey Co. will pay $23.5 million for it.
Using the MCBR rankings, which combine margin of defeat and strength of schedule, we got our Miss Congeniality for this little pageant.
Our heartiest congratulations to the Florida A&M Rattlers, who will receive a lovely package containing one slightly scratched copy of Beck’s debut album “Mellow Gold,” Tony Robbins’ best-selling book Awaken the Giant Within and a half-eaten package of fun size Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.
Our Game of the Week
Texas (MCBR #55) at North Carolina (MCBR #19, AP #5)
6 p.m. (Central Time) Wednesday, Dec. 21
Dean Smith Center, Chapel Hill, NC
Texas would be sitting a lot higher in the MCBR if not for two gut-punchers at the world-renowned TicketCity Legends Classic early in the season—a 100-95 overtime loss to Oregon State and a 77-74 defeat at the hands of N.C. State. Since then, the Longhorns have rattled off seven straight victories, all with double-digit margins of victory, including one on the road against UCLA.
But that win out west would pale in comparison to an upset victory at the Dean Dome, where North Carolina is undefeated this season. But the Tar Heels haven’t come by their high ranking easily, at least not lately. In a three-game stretch, North Carolina lost twice and held off Wisconsin for a three-point win. And on Dec. 10, the Heels faced a halftime deficit at home against Long Beach State before rallying for an 84-78 win.
Still, it’s hard to imagine North Carolina coming up short in this game—primarily because its biggest contributors are anything but short. Its top three scorers are Harrison Barnes (6-foot-8, 16.7 points per game), Tyler Zeller (7-0, 15.2 ppg) and John Hensen (6-11, 15.2). And the last two in that trio shoot better than 54% from the field. Meanwhile, four of the top five scorers for Texas are in the backcourt, and none stand taller than 6-foot-4.
Aided by that advantage, we’re predicting a close victory for North Carolina, 80-75. And based on our 0-3 prognostication record thus far, that means Texas will win by about 10.
Reader Comments (2)
No love for Bethune-Cookman?
I'm taking Texas by 15! I do have to say I'm pleased Wisconsin is moving up in the ranks, though it will be tough to knock down power house schools like Murray State and Southern Miss. I'm very happy I read this article because I was going to go see Jack and Jill, but that is out of the question now so I think I'll stay home and watch a Binghamton game on ESPN 360. I do also have a prediction that Grambling State will win their conference tourney and make a deep run into the NCAA tournament because they've prepared themselves well with some of the high caliber teams they've competed against. These articles are very educational and entertaining and the creators I feel do an outstanding job, keep up the good work!